I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
