p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
