We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
