C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
