saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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