Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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