How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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