There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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