No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
