He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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