i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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