I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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