Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
