I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
