I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
