Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
