I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
