508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
