random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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