You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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