YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
