So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
