I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
