His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize