it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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