please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
