I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
