Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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