I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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