After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
