I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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