i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?