He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm determined to sit on that face.