we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.