Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know