YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
