Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
