Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
