your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
