Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So much rum. So many feels.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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