I'm lost and stupid without you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
