youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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