I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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