Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
