we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
