i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
