Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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