do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
