My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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