actually, I'm a sock model
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
