then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so let's talk penis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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