Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
