I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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