youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
