Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
