i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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