My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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