I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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