So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
