Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
