my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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