Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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