oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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