just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
