she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
