New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
