My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
